My Little Niece
by TheLittlePenguin
Summary: A house full of vamps with Jasper and Renesmee.
1. Sleeping in my embrace

**My little niece**

**Jasper POV**

"Uncle Jasper?" came a little voice.

I turned around. Renesme stood by the door of my bedroom. She was in her night gown, the one which Alice had bought for her. I smiled. She looked so much like Bella when she was human - her brown eyes and the flush in her cheeks.

"Yes, Nessie?" I asked gently. She danced to my side. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

She climbed onto my lap and placed her hand on my cheek.

_I can't sleep._

Bella and Edward were out hunting with Alice. And Edward usually sang her his lullaby before she slept. I guess that must be the reason. She touched my cheek again.

_Can I stay here for awhile?_

I chuckled. "Of course, you may, Nessie," I carried her and placed her on the bed. She tucked herself under the blanket. And waited patiently for sleep to overcome her.

"Uncle Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you love Auntie Alice? I mean, why not somebody else?"

That question caught me off guard. I looked at her, her eyes burning with curiosity.

"Well…"I started. "I guess you could say that Auntie Alice and I are…fated to be together. She saw me in a vision. So she came looking for me. She just knew me from the start. And…I can't imagine myself with another mate," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Does that mean that momma and daddy are fated to be together too?"

"I guess so,"

"Who am I fated to be with?" She asked.

Jacob Black? I don't know….

"Hmm…Jake, maybe?" I winked at her.

She smiled and giggled. She reached out for me, and I picked her up, cradling her in my arms. She yawned.

"Are you sleepy yet?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Sweet dreams, my little niece," I kissed her forehead.

A few minutes later, Nessie was deep asleep, snoring softly against my chest.

"Jazz?" Alice poked her head in.

"Shh. My little niece is sleeping," I looked at Renesme lovingly. Alice laughed, walked over and kissed me on the cheek.

"You're a good babysitter," my wife complimented me. I grinned.

"Alice? Jasper?" came Edward's voice.

"Come on in," Alice called cheerfully.

Edward walked in, his bronze hair in a mess.

I walked over to him and handed Renesme over. Edward took her from my arms gently, careful to not wake her up.

"Thanks, Jazz," he smiled at me. I shrugged.

Alice laughed as she put her arm around my waist.

"Isn't my husband just the most perfect man on this earth?" her voice ringing like bells. I kissed her full on the lips for some time.

"Hey! None of that!" Edward complained. "My daughter is asleep!"

I laughed. "I think I know who your son-in-law will be, Edward," He rolled his eyes.

"Please don't remind me," he said, disgust thick in his voice.

" I'll be supporting him, you know. As long as my little niece is happy, I'm happy."


	2. A rough day

Renesmee folded her arms and pouted. Her cheeks flushed from running about the house.

"Look, miss. I didn't leave the house so that you could create havoc." Bella scolded.

"But…but I wanted to play!" The little girl in front of me defended herself.

"Bella, don't blame her," I started. "It's my fault for-"

But I was cut short. "No, Jasper." She said through gritted teeth. "I told her to sit down and read her book until I came back."

Renesmee was tearing. I held her hand.

"Bella, put all the blame on me. I was the one who was supposed to watch over her. But I got her all hyper." I said. I hoped she didn't sense the dishonesty in my voice.

She glared at Renesmee. It was clear that she didn't buy my story. My little niece cringed back and buried her face against my legs. I picked her up.

"There's no use defending her, Jasper." Bella said, still looking at Renesmee intently. "She broke almost everything breakable in this house." She paused, and muttered, "You should've seen Esme's face when she saw her antiques broken." She shook her head.

I nodded. I felt my mother's sadness wash through me when we were in the living room just now. Bella frowned deeply. "Put her down, Jasper." She finally said. Oh crap. The look on Bella's face was dangerous. No matter how much I wanted to protect Renesmee, I'd still have to listen to Bella. After all, she was her mother.

I was about to set Renesmee down. But she clung on to the collar of my shirt tightly, refusing to let go.

"No!" She screamed. "No! Please, Uncle Jazz! Please!" She started sobbing violently. It broke my heart to see her like that.

"Get down, Renesmee!" Bella shouted. Renesmee wailed even louder.

"Bella, don't force her if she doesn't want to." I said quietly, knowing she would be able to hear me. But she ignored me.

"I said get down!" Bella yelled. Renesmee continued to cling on to my shirt. I tried to remove her little fists from me, but she protested, smacking my hand away. That blew it.

"RENESMEE CULLEN!" Bella bellowed. Seeing that her mum was pissed off enough already, Renesmee stopped struggling against me and let me put her down, tears continuing to swim down her cheeks.

Bella grabbed her arms and pulled her closer. Renesmee whimpered. Bella certainly was grabbing her arms real tight.

"Listen up, Renesmee!" She shouted. "I'm not going to tolerate this behavior! It's bad enough that you've ruined this house and made Grandma Esme upset. Now, you smack uncle Jasper's hand?! You're unbelievable!" Bella said in disgust. Renesmee sobbed harder than ever, her neck going red. I walked up to them and placed my hand on Renesmee's back.

"Bella, it's okay. I didn't feel any pain when she smacked me, it doesn't matter." I said, calming her as I talked.

It worked. Bella was calmed down in no time. Now she glared at me. I wondered if Renesmee had gotten her temper from Edward or Bella. "I didn't need that." She told me icily. She looked back at Renesmee.

"I want you to apologise to Uncle Jasper and Grandma Esme." She instructed Renesmee slowly and precisely. "Then, you help Grandma Esme clean up. Is that clear?"

Renesmee nodded, still sobbing and sniffing a little. She turned to me. "I'm sorry for smacking your hand, Uncle Jasper." She said sincerely, her beautiful brown eyes sad. I smiled and opened my arms. She flung hers around my neck and hugged me tightly.

"It's okay, Nessie. It's okay." I patted her back soothingly.

"Good girl, Renesmee." Bella said softly. Renesmee let go of me and hugged her mother. Bella kissed her hair. "I love you, my baby." She crooned. Bella looked at me and smiled.

"Could Uncle Jasper take my little daughter to Grandma Esme?" She asked me sweetly. I laughed and nodded. I swept Renesmee in my arms and she giggled. We walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to where Esme was. She looked up when she heard us approaching and smiled. It was a sad smile. Renesmee touched my neck.

_Is Grandma Esme sad?_

I nodded. She pursed her lips. She quickly got down from my arms and went over to Esme.

"I'm sorry, Grandma. Please don't be sad." She said, her voice full of regret. Esme smiled and touched her cheek.

"It's alright, Renesmee. I know you didn't mean to break them." She hugged her grand daughter.

"May I help?" Renesmee asked, gesturing to the broken pieces of glass and porcelain.

Esme shook her head. "It's better if you don't touch them. You'd get cut easily. They're very sharp."

Renesmee grimaced. "But momma told me to help you."

I laughed, along with Esme. "It's alright. Really. I'll explain to your mum if there's a need to." Esme comforted her gently. Renesmee smiled, flashing her dimples.

Esme looked at the clock. "Nap time." She announced, just as Edward walked in. Renesmee ran and jumped on him. Edward caught her and cradled her against his chest.

"Sleepy yet, Nessie?" He chuckled. Renesmee shrugged. She turned her head and caught me next to Esme, picking up the bits and pieces of glass.

"Uncle Jasper." Renesmee said simply.

"You want Uncle Jasper?" Edward asked. She nodded.

"Alright then." She turned to me. "My daughter wants you." I sensed jealously radiating through him. I smiled.

"You don't mind?" I asked warily.

"I do. I mind very much. But do I have a choice?" He grimaced. I snickered. I held my arms out. He passed Renesmee to me gently. I got her fit into my arms comfortably.

I looked at her. Wow. She was already asleep. I smiled and cradled her in my arms.

My little niece.


	3. New pet?

**Dear readers, thank you for all your wonderful reviews! I've decided to add another chapter for you guys. Hope you like it! And please review again, if you don't mind! =)**

**Jasper's POV**

"Oh my, what a pretty little girl she is!" The lady at the counter exclaimed. She was probably in her mid twenties. She was pretty, but no one could beat my Alice. I looked at her name tag. Her name was Eileen.

Renesmee smiled at her, flashing her perfect, straight, glistening white teeth.

"Aww…how cute are you?" Eileen cooed, smiling widely at Renesmee. She giggled.

"Hello. How may I help you?" Eileen asked me curtly when she turned to me.

"Yes, please. I would like to purchase this lollipop." I smiled at her. She was clearly "dazzled" by my smile. But she quickly composed her face.

"Of course!" She squeaked as I handed her the strawberry lollipop. I've been holding my breath for the past fifteen minutes as I was in the store. These humans smelled so appealing. I couldn't lose control here, especially in front of Renesmee.

I handed Eileen the money and she received it with a too sweet - sounding "thanks".

"Is she your daughter?" she asked curiously, gesturing to Renesmee, who was already ripping the wrapper of the lollipop off and sucking it.

I scooped her up into my arms. "No. She's my niece." I chuckled as Renesmee twisted and fidgeted against me as she strained to see people walk past her. She liked to observe humans as much as the humans adored her.

"I see!" Eileen squeaked again. I never knew a girl's voice could shoot up to a level higher than soprano. Renesmee touched my cheek.

_She sounds like squeaky. _She thought sadly.

Squeaky was a mouse that she'd brought home from school one day and had proudly showed it to her mother. Bella was freaked out, of course. And she threw Squeaky out of the house. Well, she thought she'd thrown it _lightly_. But the poor mouse had landed hard on the ground and splattered into pieces. It was a gruesome sight. Renesmee cried for days over that mouse.

Before I could laugh, and traumatize her with my laughter, I quickly said a quick "thank you" to Eileen and walked out of the convenience store.

Once we were outside, I laughed heartily.

"What's so funny, Uncle Jazz?" She asked.

"Nothing much." I said as sincerely as I could. I'd better not mention the name Squeaky in front of her or Bella and Edward would kill me. "Come on, let's head home." I smiled at her. She grinned.

We walked towards the car.

"Oh look!" Renesmee suddenly shouted.

"What is it, Nessie?" I frowned.

"It's a mouse!" She shouted again as she struggled to get down. I gently placed her both feet flat on the ground. She hurried to a nearby trash bin and stooped down. I ran after her.

"Careful, Nessie. Don't touch it!" I cautioned. But she had already picked the mouse up.

It was a cute little thing. Small and petit, with gray fur and black eyes. Its ears twitched every now and then. It didn't seem to mind Renesmee touching it.

"Can I take it home, Uncle Jazz? Please?" She pleaded with her irresistibly cute puppy eyes.

"Your mum will probably throw it out of the house, you know." I warned her.

She frowned and pouted.

"Alright, alright," I laughed. "You can take it home. But whether it will stay in our house or not, is up to Grandma Esme and your mum."

"Yay!" She squealed. She picked the mouse and carried it carefully back to the car.

We drove in silence; Renesmee's chattering was more entertaining than anything. She was actually talking to the mouse. I stifled my laughter. It was impossible to be grumpy when my little niece was around.

I turned into the drive way. Alice was seated on the steps in front the house. We grinned widely when we caught sight of each other. She stood up gracefully and walked towards the car as I turned the engine off.

"I _saw_ a mouse being brought home." She accused me teasingly.

"Look Auntie Alice! This is Squeaky Number Two!" Renesmee announced proudly.

Alice burst out laughing. She looked so beautiful when she laughed. It took my breath away.

"You'd better confess to your mum." She said as she laughed. "She knows that you have a mouse in your hands right now."

"Auntie Alice!" Renesmee whined as she ran into the house. I laughed along with Alice this time.

I put my arm around her waist and kissed her hair. She giggled.

"Love you." I murmured.

"Love you too." She said.

We walked into the house, just in time to see Bella's face go paler than usual.

"You've. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me." Bella said, exasperated.

"Come on, momma!" Renesmee pleaded. "Grandma Esme allowed me to keep Squeaky Number Two! Why can't you?"

"I hate mice." Bella answered simply. Edward chuckled.

"Please!!!!" Renesmee begged.

Edward nudged Bella's shoulder playfully. "Our daughter is begging you." He said in his seductive voice which Bella always couldn't resist.

Emmett and Rosalie laughed as they came in from their hunting trip. "Well, well, well! What do we have here?" Emmett wriggled his eye brows at Bella. She growled at him.

"I won't be able to resist throwing it out of the house, Renesmee. Squeaky Number Two won't live for very long." She threatened.

Rosalie laughed. "Squeaky Number Two?!" She laughed louder this time. Emmett smiled affectionately at his wife. Rose had never actually laughed this loud in front of us before. Alice grinned at me.

"Don't mock it, Auntie Rose." Renesmee sniffed.

"Oh!" Rosalie tried very hard to stop laughing. "I'm sorry, Nessie."

"Okay…fine!" Bella said reluctantly. "Squeaky Number Two can stay here. But it has to be locked up in a cage."

"Thank you, momma!" Renesmee skipped up to her mother and kissed her on the cheek. Bella smiled.

Renesmee danced to my side. "Let's go buy a cage for Squeaky Number Two, Uncle Jazz!"

Everyone laughed. We sounded like a choir.

Edward walked out with us. He strapped Nessie safely in her seat and kissed her cheek.

"Have fun!" He smiled. Alice ran out to kiss me on my lips.

"Don't buy a big cage," She warned. "Or Bella will say that the house has no space for it."

I laughed. "Will do!" and got into the driver's seat.

We took off once again, my little niece and I. And err…Squeaky Number Two.


	4. The life of Squeaky Number Two

**Another chapter!**

**Jasper's POV**

Bella leaned her body against the wall, her nose wrinkling in disgust as she watched Renesmee play with Squeaky Number Two.

"Come on, Squeaky-squeaky!" Renesmee chimed. "There're sunflower seeds at the other end of the hoop!"

Bella raised her eyebrows. Edward bit his lower lip to keep from laughing. As much as he loved his daughter to have fun, he wanted to keep his wife as happy as possible. Rosalie and Emmett were sitting on the couch, watching her. They too, were trying hard not to laugh. Alice was upstairs looking through some catalogues, while Esme had gone to visit Carlisle at the hospital.

The little mouse tried to jump through the hoop, but failed miserably, its tiny little legs couldn't support his over-sized stomach. It had gotten really fat, since the day Renesmee decided to keep him.

"Oh, never mind! You'll still get your seeds, anyway!" Renesmee smiled, grabbing a handful of sunflower seeds from the bag and laying them on the floor. Squeaky Number Two gorged them down happily.

Bella groaned under her breath. "Renesmee, dear, don't you think that you're over feeding that mouse?" She asked.

"Nope!" Renesmee squeaked, while watching Squeaky Number Two indulge in his lovely land of sunflower seeds. "And his name is Squeaky Number Two, momma. Squeaky. Number. Two." She added slowly and precisely.

I stifled my laughter. She said his name as if Bella was a retard. Well, Bella clearly looked insulted and grossed out. Edward put his arm around her and kissed her cheek. Rosalie buried her face in Emmett's chest while he buried his in her hair. Obviously, they couldn't contain their laughter.

"Look, Renesmee." Bella said as gently as possible. "That mouse is really getting fat." Bella walked towards the mouse and jabbed his gigantic belly with her finger. Squeaky Number Two squeaked very, very loudly.

I cringed. I could actually feel its pain. Alice was by my side at an instant. She probably foresaw that scene. She rubbed my arms soothingly.

"Momma!" Renesmee screamed. "Why did you do that?!"

Bella looked confused. "I was just trying to show you how fat that rodent is."

"It's in pain! You poked it too hard!" Renesmee protested.

"Oh." Bella said, and shrugged lightly.

"Is it alright, Nessie?" Emmett asked affectionately.

"I don't know…" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

Immediately, I rushed forward and wiped the tears, that were about to fall, away. I hugged her close to me. "It's alright, Ness. We'll get Grandpa Carlisle to check on Squeaky Number Two later."

Edward stroked her hair, while Bella apologised to Renesmee.

You think it'll be okay?" She asked, her voice shaky.

"Yeah! It'll be just fine! You'll see!" Bella piped.

--- Three hours later ---

"I'm sorry, Nessie," Carlisle kissed Renesmee softly on the cheek. "But I'm afraid Squeaky Number Two is dead." He handed her Squeaky Number Two's limp body and she received it slowly and carefully, tears running down her cheeks.

I held Renesmee's hand and walked down the stairs, with Carlisle following close behind. The whole family was downstairs, waiting. As soon as they saw Renesmee's expression, they rushed forward.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry." Esme said quietly as she hugged Renesmee. I let her hand go, but she clung on to mine stubbornly. She sniffed.

"Renesmee, baby…" Rosalie crooned. "I didn't expect this to happen. I'm sorry, my dear…" She kissed Nessie's forehead. Rarely did Rosalie show such affection to anyone in public. I smiled at her when she looked at me. Her answering grin was just as warm.

"Hey, Ness!" Emmett boomed, scooping her up in his arms. "We'll get you another mouse, okay?" Everyone shot him looks of warnings. He back tracked a little. "Well, I'm sorry, little girl. Truly sorry." He added in a gentler tone, before setting her down carefully.

My beautiful wife stepped up and stroked Renesmee's cheek. "Aww…poor little you…" She said, stroking Squeaky Number Two. "I'm sure he was happy." She smiled at Nessie. "Don't cry anymore, alright?" She hugged her.

I could feel the guilt coming from Bella. I tried hard not to smirk. I didn't expect this reaction from her. She'd always hated that mouse, always plotting different ways to get rid of him. Edward smiled sympathetically at Renesmee.

She took a box from the table and placed Squeaky Number Two in it, before running out of the house. We rushed out along with her. She went to the garden and found a shovel. She dug through the ground. When it was deep enough, she placed the box inside, before covering it up with the soil again.

"Dear God," she started to pray. Carlisle had taught her how to. "Please take Squeaky Number Two to heaven to be with you. And please help him to remember me and heal him from whatever he's sick with. Please allow him to come back to visit me, if it's possible. Amen."

She took her little cross from her pocket and poked it through the grass, making it look like a gravestone. "Bye, Squeaky Number Two. You'll join Squeaky in heaven now."

She stood up, and walked to me, taking my hand.

"Renesmee, I'm sorry." Bella suddenly said.

"It's okay, momma. He's safe now." Renesmee replied softly.

"You should take your nap now, Nessie." Edward told her.

"Okay. But I want Uncle Jasper to bring me to sleep." Her eyes were still red from the crying.

"Alright, sweety." Bella said.

I smiled at Alice before cradling Renesmee in my arms. She whimpered for a few minutes, and then slept. When I was sure she wouldn't be waking up any time soon, I handed her to her parents.

"How did Squeaky Number Two die?" I asked Rosalie when I saw her staring at the "gravestone".

"When Bella jabbed him with her finger, he choked on his sunflower seed and…you know…"

**Hehe. Sorry to those who liked Squeaky Number Two! I didn't want him to die either! But I didn't know what else to write about because I was too sleepy. Haha! Sorry, peeps! Don't hate me okay? =)**


	5. Emmett makes me sigh

"And so, they lived happily ever after." I concluded, closing the 'book of fairytales'. I hated fairytales. They were one of those 'drive-a-fork-into-your-eye' boring books that little girls just loved to read.

"I like this story!" Renesmee squealed. I laughed. It was good to know that she was no longer fretting over Squeaky Number Two.

"Hello people!" Emmett boomed, making Renesmee jump so violently that she was on the verge of crying.

"That was incredibly loud, Emmett." I muttered. He grinned and _skipped _to my side. I rolled my eyes. How childish.

"Cool! Fairytales!" He exploded, snatching the book from my hands. I felt oddly embarrassed. Why is that so? Oh right, because he's my brother.

"Rose!" He called when he spotted Rosalie sneaking upstairs. She sighed.

"What do you want, Emmett?" She groaned.

"Could you read me fairytales, please?" He pleaded.

"No, baby." She sighed again. "I have important things to do."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please, please, please, please, please, pl-"

"Oh shut up!" I shouted. "Grow up, Emmett."

My dear brother pouted and Rosalie hurried upstairs without another word. It was best not to be with Emmett when he was being childish. You wouldn't be able to resist slapping him across his face. I carried Renesmee into the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal for her.

"This stuff is yucky." She commented.

I smiled as I took the milk out from the fridge and poured it into the bowl, together with some raisins. Her eyes lit up.

"You love raisins, don't you?" I teased, as she beckoned me to pour more.

"There you go." I said as I set the bowl in front of her and placed the milk carton back into the fridge.

"I want more raisins, Uncle Jazz!" She complained as she scrutinized her bowl of cereal.

"Sorry, Ness." I apologised. "Your mum will kill me if she sees the raisins gone."

"Really?" She asked, smiling. God, this girl _is _sadistic.

"Yes…"

"I'll eat them!" She chimed as she hopped of the stool with her bowl of cereal. I followed her out of the kitchen. We found Emmett sitting by the TV, watching some blonde chick walking around. Oh…Barbie…

"Why doesn't Barney come into this show?!" Emmett whined.

"Because this is Barbie, Uncle Emmett." Renesmee said, smiling. Only she had the patience to bear with him.

"Aww…" Emmett pouted once again. I snickered.

"Hey, what's that?" Emmett suddenly asked, watching as Renesmee tried to force her cereal down her throat, coughing and spluttering. It couldn't be that bad…

"Oh. This is called cereal." Renesmee grinned. "Want some?"

"Ness, don't do this to me…" I groaned.

"Momma wouldn't know anything, Uncle Jazz!" She piped.

I watched as Emmett's eyes dilated at the sight of the bowl of cereal. He looked…_hungry._

"Emmett. You are a vampire." I reminded him.

"So?" He asked, still eyeing the cereal. I could feel his emotions. Wonder, excitement…_lust?!_ Why the hell do I feel lust coming from him? Rosalie isn't even here…

"Are you in love with the cereal, Uncle Emmett?" Renesmee asked cheekily.

Emmett laughed nervously. This is not good. Not good at all.

"Jasper! Keep that bowl of cereal away from him!" Alice called from our room. I quickly snatched the bowl from his gaze.

"No!" Emmett shouted. "Mine!" He tried to grab the bowl from me.

Renesmee laughed, just as Esme and Carlisle walked in.

"What are you two doing?!" Esme scolded.

"Emmett's being a moron." I answered.

"Jasper's being a big bully!" Emmett whined.

"Oh, quit your whining, Emmett. How old are you?" I snapped.

Silence filled the whole house. "I…I…"

"You don't even know your own age?" Carlisle asked in disbelief as Esme helped him shrug off his coat.

"I…I…"

I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Oh, Ken! You've finally found me!" Barbie shouted from the TV.

"Oh shut the hell up, Barbie!" Emmett shouted back. "I'm trying to think!"

"It's okay, Uncle Emmett! Barbie's just being annoying." Renesmee chirped.

We waited in silence as Emmett tried to figure out his age. Meanwhile, I handed Renesmee back her cereal. It was after much pouting and signs throwing up that I decided not to force her to anymore. Yeah, I'll get killed by Bella alright. I scooped her up into my arms and handed the bowl to Esme, who silently slipped into the kitchen to wash it. Carlisle slumped on the couch and stared at the screen as Barbie kissed Ken with so much passion, I wanted to gorge my eyes out. They should rate this as RA instead of G.

"Well?" I finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Um…" He stammered. "I'm…Wait! Lemme think!"

We waited for another three hours. Renesmee had slept in my embrace. Edward and Bella called home to say that they would be late. I hugged Renesmee closer to me than ever, breathing in her warm, sweet scent.

"I think I'm…" Everyone suddenly went rigid when Emmett spoke up, hoping that he knew how old he was.

"No, no." He said, waving his hand in the air absently. "That was the year I was changed…"

Carlisle rubbed Esme back soothingly. She had gotten very worried for Emmett. Who wouldn't?

I gave up on waiting for Emmett to figure out his age and walked up the stairs. I walked into my room to find Alice flipping through some fashion magazines.

"Hi." She said sweetly, flashing her brilliantly white teeth.

"Hi." I replied, smiling. She got up gracefully and walked to my side, taking Renesmee from my arms and cradling her in her's.

"She's just beautiful." Alice murmured. I nodded my head as I stared at Renesmee's sleeping form. Alice placed Renesmee on our bed and came to my side, hugging me. I kissed her shoulder.

"I love you, Alice. I love you so much." I whispered. She laughed softly.

"I love you too, my soldier."

We stood there for what seemed like ages, just hugging each other.

"I'M 20 YEARS OLD!" Emmett boomed. Alice and I froze, hoping that Renesmee wasn't going to wake up.

"That's the year you were changed, Emmett." Carlisle sighed. "Think again."

"Oh darn…" Emmett muttered.

**Sorry, I know that there were not much Nessie/Jasper parts in here. My apologies, reviewers! I don't mind negative comments; just tell me what you think okay? =) Thank you! More reviews, the better! **


	6. A long day ahead

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews, peeps! A chapter dedicated to all of you! **

I watched Renesmee dance around the room with a huge grin on her face. In her hands, she held four, tiny pieces of magnets that she had found in Carlisle's office. She laughed as the magnets attracted and repelled when they came in contact with each other.

"Be careful those magnets, Nessie." Esme cautioned as she cleared Renesmee's toys that were blocking the way.

"Okay, Grandma!" Renesmee assured her.

Emmett and Edward came bounding in through the door, mud all over their bodies. Esme was pissed off in no time. This was going to be good…

"I dumped a whole lot of mud in your pants! Beat that!" Emmett yelled, laughing like a freak. Looking like one too.

"Oh yeah?!" Edward challenged playfully. "Well, take this!" He smacked a handful of mud in Emmett's face.

I smirked. Esme's rage was blasting in waves, like a tsunami. I took Renesmee in my arms and set her on my lap.

Esme put her hands on her hips, clearly showing that she was exasperated. Emmett and Edward caught a glimpse of the look on her face and stopped stuffing mud into each others' pants immediately.

"Look at the mess that you've created!" Esme scolded, gesturing to the mud on the floor. It looked like a landslide had just happened right in the house.

"Oh oh…" Renesmee whispered. "Daddy's going to be in trouble…"

Edward's eyes flickered, ashamed, at Renesmee, then back to Esme. Both he and Emmett hung their heads.

"This is not funny! It's being uncivilised!" Esme scolded once again.

"Sorry, mum." Emmett said, apologetically. "We didn't mean to."

"You know, you did mean to do it to spite Rosalie because she didn't read you your stupid fairytales." Edward muttered.

"Shut up…" Emmett said through gritted teeth.

Carlisle walked through the door at that moment.

"Alright," He said in a clear voice. "Who made my wife angry?"

"Him." Edward pointed to Emmett.

"Well, Emmett? What are you going to do?" Esme asked angrily as Carlisle wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair.

Emmett started to sob. _What the hell?!_

"Okay! Okay! It's entirely my fault! I'm sorry! It's always Emmett's fault! Always!" He screwed up his face so badly, he looked almost revolting. Renesmee looked like she was about to throw up. She quickly buried her face against my neck and I stroked her back soothingly.

"Emmett…Please don't make that face…" Edward pleaded.

"W-what?" Emmett sobbed harder than ever, crying like a miserable, stupid kid whose lollipop had dropped on the floor.

"Look!" Edward shouted desperately. "I'll clean up, okay! I'll clean up all the mess you…we've made! And it's my fault, not yours! Mine! Now, can you _please _look normal?"

"S-sorry?" Emmett stammered.

"I don't think he understood what you meant, Edward." I said, smirking.

Edward cussed loudly. He stopped only when Esme smacked his mouth. The front door opened.

"Hello! We're back from our shopping trip!" Alice chirped.

Ah, my wife. Always so cheerful and bubbly. Her happiness radiated through her naturally. Where there's Alice, there's happiness. Rosalie followed closely behind, carrying twenty shopping bags in her hands. Bella walked in, looking like she was about to cry. She didn't bother taking her daughter from me, probably because she wanted to take a knife from the kitchen and stab herself. I swear she's thought of suicide before. She's one emo vampire, when it comes to shopping.

"What's all this mud?" Bella complained. "I come home from a day's worth of shopping and mud is all I see!" Wow. She certainly hated shopping. Rarely did she complain about the dirt in the house.

"Why's Emmett crying?" Rosalie crooned as she reached out for Emmett, who continued to whine and sob in her arms. Only she wouldn't mind the "sore eye" in her embrace.

"All these mud…Well, Emmett did it." Edward summarized.

"Aww…my poor baby. It's okay…" She comforted Emmett.

Alice looked uncomfortable beside me. "I actually foresaw how…Emmett would look." She said, not wanting to offend Rosalie. I knew what she meant. She saw how disgusting Emmett looked, all covered in mud and a screwed up face, in a vision. I held her all night long.

"Emmett," she began. "Please don't turn arou…Oh God…" She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"Okay kids." Esme finalised. "All of you, except for Renesmee and Jacob, if he comes by, are going to clean this mess up. Properly. If it is not clean enough, you will be grounded."

Everybody groaned, including Emmett. Whoa. I felt like slapping him. I'm sure everyone else did.

"Get started now." Esme ordered.

So this is how you piss Esme off. Huh. Amazing…

I handed Renesmee reluctantly to Carlisle and got a pail and a mop.

It was going to be a long day…

**Another 'not-much-Jasper-and-Nessie-part story. Sorry =( Might have Jacob in the next chapter =) Please review!**


	7. Jacob and the game

**Another chapter up! Oh yeah. Just to let you know, Renesmee is always small and tiny in my fan fics, like a five month old =)**

"Jacob is coming." Alice whispered as she pulled away from me.

I sighed. Rarely did my wife and I spend time together, and now the d… Jacob _had _to visit Nessie.

Alice touched my cheek and kissed my lips once more. "It's okay. We'll have time together tonight when Jacob is gone."

"He's only going off at night?" I groaned.

"Yes." She paused briefly, looking into the future once more. "At eleven o'clock sharp. No delay." She laughed, her laughter tinkling like bells. That made me smile wide.

I kissed her cheek. "I love you, darling." I whispered.

She giggled. "I love you too, my soldier."

I smiled briefly before heading to Edward's room. I knocked softly.

"Come in." I heard Bella's voice.

I opened the door and peaked in. Bella was changing Edward's (useless) bed sheets with fresh new ones. I scanned the room for Renesmee.

"She's right here." Edward called.

"In the bathroom, Jasper." Bella smiled.

"Thanks." I grinned at her.

I stepped into the room and headed for the bathroom. Renesmee was just changed into her clothes. She was wearing a pink, frilly blouse and a pair of faded jeans. Her curls bounced up and down as she tried to jump up to me.

"Hold still, Nessie. Your hair is still wet." Edward said as he held her, drying her hair with a towel.

"Uncle Jazz!" Renesmee chimed happily.

"Hey, Ness!" I laughed, patting her head. She struggled harder to reach out for me.

"Nessie, Uncle Jasper's not going to play with you unless hold still." Edward scolded.

Immediately, she stopped struggling against her father and let him dry her hair. Downstairs, I heard the front door open.

"NESSIE!" Jacob boomed. "YOUR FAVOURITE JAKE IS HERE! I'M…hey! Is that Barbie?"

Edward smirked as he continued to dry Renesmee's hair. She squirmed eagerly as she tried to dash out of the room. Great. Now that Jacob is here, Uncle Jasper is just pathetic.

"That's just how life is, Jasper. Face it." Edward gave me that know-it-all look and stuck out his tongue. I resisted the urge to punch his face. He quickly composed his face when he heard Bella approaching.

"That'll do, Edward. Let her go down to Jacob." She sighed.

Edward let her go and Renesmee went sprinting down the stairs. Whoa. Her happiness was making me jumpy. I followed closely behind, along with Edward and Bella.

"Jacob!" Renesmee shouted when she caught sight of him, watching Barbie with Emmett.

"Nessie!" He shouted back as he carried her and hugged her tightly.

They grinned at each other before he set her down.

"Wanna play a game?" Emmett asked, wriggling his eyebrows at Jacob.

Jacob smiled mischievously. He looked like a pervert when he smiled like that. "Game on."

He sat next to Emmett as he took out the Barbie DVD and set up the Xbox set. He inserted a disc and waited for it to load.

"Pick a ranger you want to be." The mechanic voice from the TV ordered.

"Oh, don't you go ordering me around!" Emmett was about to bash the TV up, when Edward and I pulled him away, forcing him down on the chair.

"Quit those retarded acts, Emmett! Just get on with the game!" Jacob complained as he jabbed the controller into Emmett's eye.

"Bitch…" Emmett muttered, as he rubbed his right eye. Didn't Jacob just jab the controller into his _left _eye…?

"Mind your language, Emmett!" Bella screeched as she covered Renesmee's ears. Bella always went to extremes to keep Renesmee's pure mind pure. Like that'll work. When there's Jacob or Emmett, keeping anybody from condemning their own minds would cost you your life.

"I'll be titanium ranger." Jacob decided.

"Hey! I wanted to be titanium ranger!" Emmett protested.

"_You _wanted to be the pink ranger, Emmett." Edward said louder than usual, even though there was no need for him to.

"No, I didn't!" Emmett said, flabbergasted. "Pink rangers are for girls and gays! I'm not a gay!"

"Well, a minute ago, you thought that pink rangers were hot and sexy." Edward dared him to object.

"That was a minute ago! Now, I think that pink rangers are gay and stupid."

"What is your problem, Emmett? Fickle minded disorder?" Edward raised his eyebrows.

Emmett opened his mouth to speak, but Jacob snapped it shut.

"Can we just get on with the freaking game?" He pleaded.

"Fine," Emmett sounded irritated. "But you have to name your character first. All of us have saved our names."

"Okay…let's see…" Jacob started to browse through our character names, reading them as he scrolled down.

"Super physic…" Alice. "Dumb Blonde…" Rosalie. "Emo vamp…" Me. "Doctors rock…" Carlisle. "Desperate housewife…" Esme. "I-hate-to-go-shopping…" He looked at Bella when he read that. She just shrugged. And he went on. "Fantastic daddy-mind-reader…" Edward winked.

"And me! The retarded bear!" Emmett announced proudly. I rolled my eyes.

"Huh…weird names don't you think?" Jacob murmured.

"Well, Emmett actually wanted us to think of something stupid. But our smart vampire brains just couldn't do the job. So it ended up being really lame." I said.

"Then how am I able to come up with stupid things?" Emmett asked, frowning.

There was a long pause. "That's because you're intelligent, dear." Esme finally said, lovingly. Carlisle smiled.

"Yeah right…" Edward muttered under his breath.

"Okay then. My name shall be I-smell-good. Now let's start the game!" Jacob shouted. He hit the play button immediately.

And so the game started. It was pretty violent. I mean, which kiddy game do you know allows you to scold vulgarities and kick each others' bottoms?

"Hey!" Emmett yelled. "Stop! No! Ouch! Ack! Stop hitting me! I'm on your side!"

"Really?!" Jacob yelled back. "I didn't know that!"

"Well now you know! So stop it!" Emmett was clearly desperate. His stubby fingers couldn't beat Jacob's long and lean ones in terms of speed.

"Kill the enemy! Kill the enemy!" Jacob shouted, jumping up and down.

"Oh be quiet and get your butt down on the floor!" Emmett was close to destroying the enemy when out of the blue, I-smell-good jumped in front of him and was dead the next instant.

"Why the hell did you shoot me?" Jacob started to tear.

"Because you jumped in front of me and blocked my way! I was holding a freaking gun! Which idiot jumps in front of a gun?!" Emmett defended himself.

"I didn't ask you to stand at that position!"

"You told me to kill the enemy!"

"Alright boys," Carlisle sighed. "Just have another go."

The game commenced. Jacob was killing the sidekicks and Emmett was killing the villain. Nothing much happened. Then, Emmett threw a bomb at the space shuttle and killed the enemies.

"Hey! I was supposed to kill the villain!" Jacob whined.

"Too bad. You're just a level 1 player." Emmett stuck his tongue out.

"Another round!" Jacob pouted.

"Fine…" Emmett said reluctantly. He was getting tired of the game. His boredom was making me dizzy.

The game went smoothly during the first half hour. Renesmee had fallen asleep in my arms. Bella and Edward had gone hunting. Rosalie and Alice were at a sale in the mall.

It all ended when Jacob fired a bomb at himself, which was the stupidest thing I'd ever seen.

"Are you self extinguishing?!" Emmett bellowed.

"Well, I didn't see _that _coming." Jacob murmured, fascinated by how the power ranger blew up, blood splattering everywhere.

Renesmee's eyes fluttered open. She frowned.

"What's the matter, Nessie?" I asked gently. "Are you alright?"

Jacob was at my side instantly. "Hey Ness, you okay?"

"You're so loud…" She complained.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Jacob apologised. "Go back to sleep, okay?" He kissed her forehead.

She nodded and was soon snoring again. I decided to take her upstairs to Edward's room, where I put her on his bed and let her sleep.

It was six more hours till that fury ball will leave. I slumped on the couch.

"YOU KILLED YOURSELF AGAIN?!" Emmett exploded.

"Oops. I didn't see _that _coming too…" Jacob said. Waves of embarrassment crept up to me. Whoa. Jacob sure's feeling embarrassed.

**Reviews please! Thanks!**


	8. The life of Bearbear

**Jasper's POV**

"Hey! Look at this!" Emmett boomed.

"Emmett, honey, you don't have to show it to the whole world." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

Alice, Bella and Renesmee craned their necks to get a good view of what Emmett was holding. Edward looked like he wanted to stab himself. I _wanted _to stab myself.

"Honestly, Emmett," Edward tried to force a smile, but ended up looking constipated. "Just some adjustments and it'll look fine. Show it to us later. It'll be a surprise!" _Translation: Get the hell out of here, Emmett. It looks like shit.\_

"Is that a beaver? Or a teddy bear?" Alice asked, straining her eyes to make up what that brown, furry, bile-like object looked like.

"I think it's a beaver." Renesmee said.

"Nah…looks more like a teddy bear." Bella disagreed.

Upstairs, I could hear moans coming from Esme and Carlisle's room. Oh man…it is broad daylight! What are they thinking?!

Unfortunately, Renesmee heard it too.

"What's that noise?" She asked.

"Err…nothing." Edward said innocently.

"No, it sounds like the person's in pain." She argued.

Everybody froze, their minds trying to think of how to explain "making love" in a kiddy manner.

"Oh God! Esme!" Carlisle suddenly shouted.

"Isn't that grandpa Carlisle's voice?" Renesmee frowned. "What's he and grandma Esme doing upstairs?"

"Um…playing." Rosalie laughed nervously.

Edward glared at her.

"People!" Emmett slammed the table to get our attention. "I made it all by myself!"

"So…it's a bear…"Alice said slowly, trying to get it right without hurting Emmett's feelings.

"Yep!" He grinned proudly. "Rose said that it was the best thing's she ever seen!"

There was a moment's of silence. Rosalie hung her head low and cussed under her breath.

_Look's like Rosalie's missing out the good things in life. _I thought, smiling.

_If she says one more time that's the bear is best thing's she's ever seen, I'll tell her to get a life. _Edward snickered.

_Shut up…_Rosalie glared at us. _It was just to please him, that's all._

_It doesn't look very good…_Alice sighed mentally. _After years and years of teaching him, he still can't sew for nuts._

_I'm gonna be sick. _Bella groaned.

_Come on guys! _Rosalie chimed. _It's not that bad!_

_IT IS!!! _We snapped.

_Can he even hear our thoughts? _Bella asked curiously.

_No. He hasn't mustered the reading-mind-skill thing yet. _Rosalie frowned, clearly worried.

_You don't have to muster it. It comes in naturally. _I mocked.

_JASPER HALE! _She shrieked. It sounded extra loud in my head.

I cringed back immediately, biting down on my lip to keep from laughing and slamming into the wall.

_Just be nice! _She hissed. _That poor boy's spent hours making his bear._

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"So…" Edward chirped. "What a cute bear you have there, Emmett!"

"Aww…thanks, Eddie!" Emmett grinned.

_Kiss my ass_, Edward growled.

"I still think it's a beaver." Renesmee said and stretched out her arms. "May I hold on to it?"

Emmett handed his bear-which-looks-like-shit to her. "Be careful," he said. "It's fragile."

"Renesmee…" Bella warned.

Everyone looked at her. Little Renesmee had an evil grin that was spread across her face. It made me _terrified _somehow. I looked around the room. A pair of scissors, a pen knife, Emmett's favourite hanky, my cell phone, Alice's wallet, Edward's favourite CD, Rosalie's keys to her convertible, and Bella's _Wuthering Heights. _

Nothing out of ordinary…

"Nessie, my bear needs some grooming." Emmett said.

"How so?" She asked.

"It's too hairy. _Way _to hairy."

"Oh. I can help you _trim your bear_, if you want."

"Yay! Thanks!"

"You're very welcome. But I'll have to take a few hours."

"It's alright!!"

So my dear niece started to trim, using the pair of scissors. It was starting to look good, not too hairy, when I suddenly realised that she was trimming at tremendous speed. She could have finished off the whole bear in merely a few seconds.

"Uh…Nessie…" I started. "It's going to be…" I couldn't say the word 'bald'. Well, it is bald now.

"NESSIE!!" Emmett screamed. "MY BEAR IS BALD!"

"You told me to trim your bear." She retorted.

"But…but…" He stammered.

"That's why Momma tells me to speak proper English, right Momma?"

Bella's mouth hung down.

Renesmee continued to trim the bear, ripping it into pieces like a barbarian, and shouting and screaming.

Two hours later…

"You guys are going to clean all the cotton swabs that are on the floor!" Esme scolded.

Everybody groaned, but cut off immediately when we saw Esme tighten her grip on the pen knife that she was keeping in the drawer.

Emmett sat at a corner pathetically, crying and bawling. It wasn't a pleasant sight. Imagine: A big, muscular, manly jock…_crying like a girl…_

_That's called being gay. _Edward thought, while getting a broom.

_Your daughter is vicious, Edward. _Rosalie folded her arms, while Emmett hugged her leg and cried out loud.

Beside him, there was a white box. On the cover, was Emmett's scrawny handwriting:

_Dear bear-bear,_

_Rest in peace. May God bless your soul._

First Squeaky Number Two, now Bear-bear. Is this house doomed for animals or what? I wonder…


	9. A 'great' day

"Emmett Cullen, I am very disappointed in you!" Mr. Anthony scolded.

I snickered. Beside me, Edward was still choking on the sweet that Renesmee had forced down his throat earlier that morning. Up till now, it was still stuck inside. Bella had been screaming bloody murder since she'd gotten out of the car. Currently, we were in the chemistry lab, listening to some worthless scolding from our almost-balding-and-utterly-useless Chemistry teacher.

"Well?" Mr. Anthony huffed. "What do you have to say for yourself? Failing chemistry in _my_ class?!"

_God, I swear, you're one piece of gay shit. _Emmett spat mentally.

_Amen to that, brother. _I smiled widely. He winked back in response.

And…Mr. Anthony caught that. "Jasper Hale…! Just because you have topped the class does NOT mean that you are free to break my microscopes! You'll pay for that, boy!" He shouted. He put his hands on his hips and stamped his feet.

_Is it me, or is he just gay? _Edward wondered mentally, still clutching his throat.

_Gay. _Emmett replied as he stared in awe at how sissy our chemistry teacher was.

So apparently, Emmett failed his chemistry test (on purpose, mind you…) to experience the joy of failing a test. And he _did _enjoy it. The feeling of insulting Mr. Anthony in an indirect way was just priceless. As for me, I basked in the joy of ripping his microscopes into pieces. That dude asked for it. He had called Alice 'a pixie whose mouth is as quick as a raging river' and a 'short little thing whose brain is as thick as mud'. That pissed my wife off.

Ah, finally, Edward. He was so caught up with the sweet in his throat that he pulled Mr. Anthony's pants down in front of the whole class, thinking that it was Emmett's.

"I have been humiliated enough! You Cullens are one hell of a rude group of boys who are undergoing a sickening process! It's called PUBERTY!" He spat.

"Uh… Mr. Anthony…?" Edward asked.

"What?" A speck of saliva flew from his mouth and landed on the table beside Edward and me. We shrunk back in horror.

"Well, we're eighteen. According to research, boys begin the process of puberty at the average ages of 10 to 17. So, by right, we should have finished experiencing…"

"Shut up!" Mr. Anthony screeched, cutting Edward off. "Shut up, I say! You're hell of a rude!"

I choked back a laugh. Emmett bit his bottom lip to mute his booming laughter. Edward merely looked grossed out.

_We should get out of here. _Edward thought. _Anymore of this prissy stuff and I'm going to be sick._

_We should tell him to get a life. _I thought back. _We'd experienced puberty decades before him. _

_We should just throw him off a cliff. _As usual, Emmett's ideas were the best and the most practical.

"Go home!" Mr. Anthony ordered.

Edward and I slipped out of our seats, while Emmett walked out of the classroom, grabbing all our bags in one hand. We strolled to the car park, where all the girls were gawking at us, as usual. Emmett caught sight of Rosalie and ran up to her, as if he were some kid who'd just seen his mother for the first time. On the way, he dropped our bags, _conveniently_, on the ground. Edward and I looked at each other, and cussed our breaths out.

"How's the sweet doing in there?" Bella asked casually, helping Edward so that I could hold Alice's hand.

He rolled his eyes. "It's hell."

"The love of a daughter…" Alice laughed, picking up all our bags and slinging them on her shoulder. "You got off lucky. She was planning to stuff an apple into your mouth, you know."

Edward's eyes grew huge. So huge that people would've mistaken him for seeing a ghost. He stared at Bella with a horror struck expression. As if she was the one who was the cause of the sweet which was stuck in his throat.

"Ed, just cough it up later," I said.

"It's uncomfortable," He complained.

"The love of _your_ daughter," Bella smiled, and kissed him on the cheek.

_Honk Honk! _

Edward jumped. Literally.

"What is that?!" He almost yelled.

Bella looked at Alice. Alice looked at me. I looked at Edward. "Uh…" I scratched my head. "It's Rosalie's car. She honed at us."

"When did it start sounding like a duck?!"

"Since two days ago," Alice said. "When Renesmee sort of…did something to it. Well, she did that _something _to everyone's car,"

Edward looked exasperated. "I-Is that w-why my V-Volvo is not r-running?"

Alice nodded her head. "Yes," she replied solemnly.

We made our way towards the car. Edward and Bella took Emmett's jeep, after much howling coming from Emmett, and much slapping from Rosalie to shut him up, they finally got it. Alice, Emmett and I got into Rosalie's convertible. Throughout our ride home, Emmett had been showing off his big, red, fat, angry ZERO that was screaming on the front page of his exam paper. Rosalie looked satisfied. She hated that Anthony guy anyway. She kept up with the same pace as Bella, who was driving the jeep. Edward had managed to cough up his sweet along the way and looked like he had just returned from a funeral.

"Is Mum going to be unhappy?" Rosalie asked, cutting Emmett off, just as he was about to boast about his results again.

"Yeah," Alice confirmed. "She _will_ be angry."

Everyone groaned. When Esme was angry, it was best not to even step into the house. Except when you have some maniac teacher who goes around calling your parents just because he thinks it is 'educational' and 'only right for parents to discipline their child'.

"Is Mum going to be unhappy?" Emmett asked.

"I just replied that question a moment ago, Emmett." Alice sighed.

"Oh."

In no time, we pulled up into the basement. I could feel Esme's anger already.

"Uncle Jasper!" I heard Renesmee call. I grinned widely. Her bell-like laughter echoed through the stairs.

"Come here, Ness!" I called back. In that instant, she ran down, at an alarming speed, and crashed into me. I laughed and gave her a big, warm hug. Her bronze curls danced in the air as she squealed with joy, hugging me as tightly as she could. I ran my fingers through her hair. She flashed her pearly-white set of teeth. I smiled back and stood up, while she clutched my jeans pocket. Everybody was so happy so see her. The happiness was making me hop on the spot.

"Hello, Nessie!" Rosalie cooed as Renesmee skipped to her side.

"Heyo Auntie Rose!" She chimed and took her aunt's hand.

"You boys can come up here right now." Esme's voice was soft and melodious, yet threatening and frightful. Emmett was immediately on the verge of crying. Edward was staring at Renesmee while she looked at him with an oh-so-innocent look in her face. Obviously, he could read something in her tiny head that the rest of us couldn't.

"Nessie, I do not want a chocolate in my mouth, you understand?" He chided gently.

"Why not…? Did you enjoy my sweet that I gave you this morning?" She asked.

Edward almost choked on the venom in his mouth. "Not really." He admitted.

"But Jake said that you would love it."

"Jake said that?"

"Yeah, he told me to put it in your mouth when you're not aware. It's a surprise, daddy!" She smiled.

Bella chortled with laughter, fell onto the floor, and rolled around the basement in rounds, while Emmett sat on the spot and cried his eyes out in fear that Esme would slaughter him for failing his test. Alice giggled hysterically, so that she looked like a tiny pixie vibrating on the spot. Rosalie merely raised her eyebrows, before going up to Emmett and comforting him in an odd way – that was to slap him on his face real hard. It worked, though. He stopped crying.

The emotions were so odd, that I shifted uncomfortably.

"Emmett? Edward? Jasper…? I'd suggest you three get up here this minute."

Edward and I groaned, and Emmett looked helplessly at Rosalie. Her answering glance was just entirely useless.

"This is it…" Edward murmured.

"This is it." I echoed.

I took his right hand, while Emmett took the other, and we walked up the stairs, to our mother, who was awaiting out presence…


	10. Bees!

"It's your entire fault, Emmett." Edward muttered. "You shouldn't have failed your chemistry test on purpose. Look what you've done!"

Emmett looked up, his face looking like a mud pie from all the gardening works. He could have dumped his whole face into a pot of soil, and we wouldn't know. Looking at him now was like looking at a piece chocolate cake. A big one... "Hey, you were the one who tried to be a smart-ass." He retorted.

"How so…?" Edward challenged.

"You pulled his pants down. His boxers were patterned with Barbie dolls, for crying out loud. What the hell! He was pissed off with you, not me." Emmett raised his hands in the air.

"Break it up, guys." I sighed, picking up a shovel and getting soil for the next pot of plant. "It's bad enough mum's gotten us to do all these gardening already."

Edward grunted in disgust as a few red ants crawled up his skin. He cursed and swore under his breath. Emmett, on the other hand, tried to be a barbaric piece of ___*_____.

"And mum actually thinks you don't use foul language…" Edward muttered angrily to me.

"I can't help it if Emmett's trying to be smart," I defended myself. "Just look at him!"

We both looked at Emmett, who was poking a bee hive with a tree brunch. "Look!" He shouted. "We've got free honey to try!" He rejoiced. "Praise the bees!"

Edward panicked, and charged towards Emmett, slamming into him and pinning him onto the ground. Emmett roared, literally, and given his buffed up muscles, he flipped Edward to the ground. I ran forwards, and pushed Emmett aside, making sure he was a distance away from Edward.

"Enough!" I shouted. "Enough of this barbaric, animal-sucking ___*____!"

Both Edward and Emmett haltered and looked at me, surprised. Emmett wolf whistled, while Edward cheered and clapped out loud. I'd just realized what I said, and my palm flew to my mouth at an instant.

"I didn't..." I muffled, but Emmett grinned widely.

"That was one hell of a good sentence, brother. Great work!" He praised me.

"Keep it up!" Edward patted me on my shoulder.

Oh dear. I actually promised Alice that I wouldn't use any dirty language ever. Oh boy…

"Hey, relax! She won't be angry!" Edward beamed.

"Really…?" I asked, hopeful.

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, she'll just tear you into shreds."

I groaned. "Thanks man."

"No problem."

We heard a car pull up onto the drive way and poked our heads into the bushes to see who it was.

"Dad's back!" Edward shouted happily, clapping his hands.

"DADDY!" Emmett boomed, running towards Carlisle.

I tasted the emotions around me. There was happiness, excitement, blissfulness…and fear. Hmm…Oh yes. With Emmett charging at Carlisle like that, I wouldn't be surprised if he felt scared. In a flash, Carlisle eyed the front door meaningfully and bolted for it before Emmett could catch him. My dear brother caught our dear father's legs and gave him a big, gut-wrenching hug. Carlisle gasped and wheezed in protest.

"Esme!" He shouted. "Esme! Help me! I'm getting killed over here!"

"Edward, Jasper! Come give dad a hug!" Emmett called.

Edward and I charged forward, jumping onto Emmett and Carlisle. Joy, would you look at Carlisle's face – priceless. The front door opened, and Esme walked out, with her hands on her hips. With a little more fun, I added a bit of lust to the surroundings. Sure enough, Edward and Emmett were kissing Carlisle like there was no tomorrow. I stood up, and waved at Esme.

"Wipe that smile off your face, Jasper Hale." She warned. Instantly, my grin faltered.

Esme looked at Edward, Emmett and Carlisle.

"Carlisle Cullen!" Esme almost yelled.

Carlisle groaned in disgust when Emmett kissed his lips. "Oh, damn you, Emmett!" He shrieked.

Edward laughed along with me.

"Excuse me!" Esme huffed.

Emmett looked up. "Oh. Hi mum!" He said sheepishly.

"You get up and stand behind Carlisle's car!" She ordered.

Grinning like a freak he was, Emmett skipped to Carlisle's car and stood there, watching.

"You! Stand beside Jasper!" She yelled at Edward.

Edward walked to my side, silently laughing.

"YOU!" She shouted at Carlisle. "What was the kissing supposed to mean?"

"They attacked me!" Carlisle pointed at us. "And I called you for help!"

"Oh really?" She raised her eye brows. "I didn't hear…"

"She's doing it on purpose," Edward whispered very quietly to my ear.

"EDWARD!" Esme boomed, making the both of us jump. "GO STAND NEXT TO THE BEE HIVE!"

"Geez, mum. You scared the hell out of me. I would have peed in my pants if I were human." Emmett said.

"Oh, be quiet!" I told Emmett, and nudged Edward towards the bee hive. He looked at me helplessly, and all I could do was to smile and wave.

"You," Esme jabbed a finger at Carlisle. "You are so dead, mister!"

"Look," Carlisle tried to reason. "If it was about the kissing thing just now, I swear I wasn't -"

"I called you so many times this morning and you didn't pick up. Where's your phone?" She demanded.

Carlisle sighed and fished out three silver metal pieces, followed by many buttons and loose pieces of plastic. He showed them to Esme, whose eyes grew wider by the second.

"What the hell is that?" Emmett asked.

"It's my _phone_." Carlisle announced.

"Well, it looks like some pieces of rotten junk you collected from the dustbin," I said.

"There was this lady in labour," Carlisle explained to Esme. "And you happened to call me. I took out my phone from my pocket and was about to answer, when the lady snatched my phone, yelled bloody murder, and crushed it with her bare hands."

Esme blinked. "Oh."

"I like that woman! She's got style!" Edward grinned widely.

"I HEARD THAT, EDWARD CULLEN!" We turned around to see Bella walking out of the house, with a knife in her hands. Oh god…

"Argh!" Edward cried, cringing as she walked down the stairs slowly, her eyes never leaving his.

"You may repeat that sentence on more time, my dear," She said sweetly, her fingers tightening around the knife.

"Uh, Bella! I wasn't…I didn't mean…" Edward stammered.

"Oh, I do hope you'll get stung by the bees in the bee hive!" She yelled. "You two-timing swine!"

With one strike of the knife, she slashed the bee hive into two, and out came the bees. The charged like an army to Edward. Not like they will sting us, but the experience would be unpleasant. And Edward smelled like flowers today.

"Lord, have mercy on me…" Carlisle muttered, rubbing his temples.

I watched in mock horror as Edward ran around the house. I never knew bees could fly so fast. They were just a few inches behind him. Bella gave a satisfied grunt and took the bee hive into the house.

"Renesmee!" She called. "You have honey to drink today!"

"Let's join in the fun!" Emmett squealed and took me by the hand. I panicked.

"God, please no! Emmett, please!" I begged and pushed myself away from him. But he didn't even budge. To make things worse, he plucked a few flowers from Esme's collection and smeared it all over me. He grabbed a larger bunch and rubbed them on himself. Edward came running in our direction. I screamed along with Emmett, who didn't find it so funny now as we noticed that the bees were much larger than what we saw from far. And joy, did they look fierce.

Three hours later…

"Alice to the rescue!" My wife shouted, and ran about with a net, catching all the bees. Emmett, Edward and I stopped running.

"You suck…" I growled at Emmett.


	11. Swamps and wishes

Renesmee danced to my side, holding up a bunch of furry cotton wools in front of my face. She almost jabbed one into my nose.

"Hello, Uncle Jazz! What do you think of this?" She sang.

It looked like a rabbit that Emmett slaughtered. "It looks cute! What is it?"

"It's my party costume!"

_Oh._

"HELLO EVERYBODEH!" The front door blasted open. Carlisle walked in, carrying his suitcase. "I managed to live through this day without a frown, grimace, or a - GOD DAMMIT, EMMETT! TAKE THAT CAMERA OFF MY FACE!"

Emmett chuckled and ran around the living room, rolling on the floor.

"Sorry, hun," I apologised to Renesmee. "What were you saying?"

"JASPER!" Emmett laughed. "LOOK AT DAD'S FACE! HE LOOKS LIKE A CLOWN WHO GOT POKED BY AN ELEPHANT!" He howled with laughter.

I sighed. "Emmett, just stop doing taking random pictures of - "

_Click._

"Emmett!" I yelled, prancing onto him as he fell back in hoots of laughter. "That is so not funny, you biatch!"

"Language, Jasper!" Esme reminded, reading a magazine on the sofa.

" 'Scuuuuuse me!" Renesmee cleared her throat. "I'm speaking here."

With a final slap on Emmett's cheek, I got up, and went back to where Renesmee was sitting. "You're wearing that for your party?" I asked. "That's really cool!"

Rosalie walked down the stairs, fluffing her hair absently. "Emmett!" She called.

"Yes, Your Majesty!" He crawled towards her.

Her eyes widened, lips pulled into what seemed like a disgusted grimace. "I don't know you," She muttered, and hopped towards me.

"You," She pointed at me. "You're going to dress up for Nessie's party."

"Huh?"

"Yes, you heard it. Be mentally prepared for your costume," She leaned in, and whispered into my ear. "You're gonna need all the moral courage to know what's awaiting for you in your closet."

She giggled like a Barbie doll and stalked away. Dang, I hated it when she did that to me. The front door opened again, and furball...I mean Jacob, stepped into the house.

"Hey, brother fur!" Emmett greeted.

"Sup, brother stink!" Jacob greeted back.

"JAKE!" Renesmee scrambled down the couch, stepping on my toe as she did.

"Hellooooo!" He laughed.

"Eww. Don't say that," Bella appeared out of nowhere. "You sound like a retard."

"Huhhhhh?" Jacob raised his eyebrows.

"Oh god..." Bella muttered, and slumped onto the couch next to me. "Jasper, throw some happy potion onto me, please."

So, I tried to think of bunnies, and Alice, and fluffy cotton wools, and Barney, and hair spray, and my pillow...

"Not working," She said.

"What am I? Your fairy godmother?" I retorted.

Suddenly, her eyes sparkled. _I did not like the looks of it at all._ She laughed, clapping her hands, then looked at me straight in the eye. "That's it!" She crowed. "Fairy godmother! You'll be a fairy godmother for Nessie's party!"

She got up and danced up the stairs. "Rose! Forget Jasper's skirt! He's going to be a fairy godmother!"

This is truly a terrifying world. They were going to make me wear a skirt. A skirt._ A skirt._

"So...what do you want to do today?" Jacob's voice traveled into my too-frightened-to-hear ears. "Wishing...walking..."

"You guys wish?" Emmett's jaw dropped. "As in, wish wish? As in, wish upon a moon kind of wish?"

Esme and Carlisle looked at each other. "Isn't it...wish upon a star?" Esme asked.

Jacob sighed, and placed a hand on Emmett's shoulder. "Don't cry, stink bro. I know you had a deprived childhood."

"Yeah," Emmett grimaced. "I did. My mum didn't even let me wish upon a moon."

Renesmee hopped up to me, completely ignoring Emmett's sorrow. "Would you like to go wishing with us, Uncle Jazz?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Sure. No harm going."

"Yay!" She clapped her hands.

"Can't I go along too?" Emmett whined.

Renesmee and Jacob stared at each other for a very, very long time. "It's sacred," Jacob whispered.

"Uh huh." Emmett nodded his head. "Jasper can't be anymore holier than me."

"Well," Jacob reasoned. "He's an emo punk. He'll pull through. The faeries will bless him."

I shot a look at him, which sent him barking instead of speaking English.

"Have fun, dearies!" Esme smiled, still flipping through the magazine. I managed to catch a glimpse of the cover page. _HOW TO ENSURE THAT YOUR CHILD DOES NOT BECOME RETARDED._

My eyes bulged, and I ran out of the house quickly.

Jacob drove to a nearby river. I got out, glad that it was night time. It was a beautiful setting - peaceful and tranquil. No, wait. Those two words had the same meaning. Peaceful and...

_Forget it._

"Come on, Uncle Jazz," Renesmee pulled my arm.

She dragged me along the river. The further we got, the more confusing it was.

We ended up by a swamp.

"Is this the right place?" I asked, eying the mud.

"Shh!" Jacob shushed. "The faeries are listening."

I looked around. There was mud, some deformed trees, mud, mud, brown grass, mud and more mud. So...faeries thrive in MudLand. How awesome. What are they? Like Faeries of the Swamp? They bless you with _dirt_?

Renesmee faced the moon, closed her eyes and clamped her hands together. "I wish..." She started, then went silent.

Jacob did the same. "I wish..." He said, then stopped.

I stared at the both of them. I wondered how my little niece got from praying to God, to wishing upon the moon in MudLand. The both of them sighed contentedly, and opened their eyes.

"What?" I asked. "Are the faeries throwing mud at you?"

Jacob looked at me as if I had violated his privacy.

"Please forgive him," He prayed again. "I know he sparkles, but he's far from magical."

Renesmee held my hand, and smiled. "You should try it, Uncle Jazz!" She urged.

No way would I pray to Swamp faeries.

"Maybe some other time," I smiled back at her.

"Oh, sacred tree," He touched an old, broken cactus. "We will leave now."

"That's the Cactus of Holiness." Renesmee whispered.

I fished out my phone, and texted Bella:

_Keep Ness away from that fur ball. I'm pretty sure he's made her believe that a broken cactus and a muddy swamp is a church._

She replied almost immediately.

_I know right. He talks to faeries. Good lord...I wonder if the whole wolf pack does._

I heard a few howls across the swamp.

"That's Sam and the gang." Jacob grinned proudly.

I answered Bella's reply:

_They actually do._

* * *

**Sorry, this was seriously random! But I have not been updating this story for ages! Please, please forgive me! Do you believe in faeries? The wolf pack does! ^^**


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